heavy rain again

here s the infinite curtain of autumn rain sweeping across the city and bringing back the pinpricks of winter past again. The agony of true love? How very unreal in its spotless transparency, this memory of a blurry slippery feeling. The mother of all paradoxes.

the freshness and the odour of the long awaited rain brought back the pain. a deadly muffled cauterized version of the razor sharp late autumn shipwreck's survivor pangs. a soul wandered away from its companion, from its centre, from life itself to descend into the numbing void.

i ll wait for you i ll wait for you i ll wait for you until until until

until this awe eats up all that is good and beautiful and the rain reminds me of who ___ were. Where does this empire state pain come from? where does it come from? Is it from paradise lost? it s _____ ego. it s ____cowardness exposed. ____ monstrous self.

until ___ realize it was ____. ___was looking for a beautiful price and wouldn t let go. should ve let go that day in the English bathroom. early times high energy mesmerizer ____ ve always been. it was ___ ._____was dazzled by ____ glow.didn t see.


until __reached the forest, which after months of abstinence, could be nothing but a hideout for lovers in my imagination and ___walked its most civilized paths hand in hand like a sad sinless/sinful metaphor of repressed sexual urges.

tears well up and flood the rest of ____ dry life. daring ____. ___whisper |____ head off. ___ s a trap ____ s a trap. the trap ___re the trap. come back from the dead if ____ dare

been selfish____ didn t love. just wanted to think ____ had. just blinked twice or maybe three times instead of making a move. and who was a fucking coward? and who could ve fucked other bodies? ____ did in the end but couldn t ____have done the same thing. ____ re just human. ____m just human. ____liked to pretend ____ weren t. like we were pure light. ___now know there s young new generation pure light around. but ___ re not that and ___ m definitely not that. what a couple of suckers. ____was so perfect to look into ____ eyes for hours though.____were so perfect then. WE were art. at least _____were. ____ probably still are.

until ____ body wants to ache to relieve the pain. the sting metamorphoses into antidote and ____wish for sweet death.



until ____die. until _____ ask who ____ am and find out the ugly ____. the horrible ___. until the selfish monster doesn t even lurk in the shadows anymore. ___ ll always be a scar, always a force of nature.